A Good Girl

Heya everyone,

Today I want to talk about the phrase a good girl.

It’s one I’ve been brought up hearing a lot over my life time, and I suspect that pretty much every other girl has heard it repeatedly as well. I know that people also use the phrase good boy, but honestly I’m not a male so can’t comment on how it’s personally affected me, but also I’ve heard that used way less in my life than a good girl. That may be because I’m a female, it could also be because I’ve got more cousins and friends who are female or it could be, as I suspect it might be that girls are more conditioned to be good. Whatever the hell good even means anyway. So while there might be similar conditions in this post I’m going to focus on good girls.

Just a quick digression, on the flip side you never hear the phrase girls will be girls to explain when a girl has done something wrong. A teenager had sex and got pregnant? No girls will be girls. But what about the teenage boy shagging around? Well, boys will be boys is a common response. The two girls who get into a physical fight? No girls will be girls there either. But two boys? Boys will be boys. That phrase really winds me up because it’s nothing to do with their gender, other than the fact that we as a society use it to excuse dangerous, reckless and sometimes downright inexcusable acts. It gives boys far more leniency than girls are ever given when expressing their emotions, acting on impulses or just being a bad person.

Now back to a good girl – what does it actually mean to be a good girl?

Be quiet, there’s a good girl.

Good girls don’t raise their voices.

Good girls don’t cry.

Santa only brings gifts to good girls.

Good girls share their sweeties.

Be a good girl and help your brother first.

Be a good girl and make me a cup of tea.

Help your cousin clear the table, there’s a good girl.

A good girl would do it.

These are all actual examples that have been said to me.

But what do they actually mean? Let’s break it down a little for you. These examples are going to take it to the extreme and I know that a lot of the times when the above words were said the meaning wasn’t intentionally this, but I think a lot of what we consider being a good girl is, is conditioning that leads to the ideas and ingrained concepts that are passed onto girls.

Be quiet, there’s a good girl.

You shouldn’t speak unless asked to.

Good girls don’t raise their voices.

You should be quiet and use a gentle tone.

Good girls don’t cry.

You shouldn’t show emotions.

Santa only brings gifts to good girls.

Follow my rules and you’ll be rewarded.

Good girls share their sweeties.

You should share anything you have with others.

Be a good girl and help your brother.

The needs of the male come before your needs as a female.

Be a good girl and make me a cup of tea.

Servitude is a positive quality in females.

Help your cousin clear the table, there’s a good girl.

Again, servitude is a positive quality in females particularly in a domestic setting.

A good girl would do it.

You should do this thing because you’ve been conditioned to be a good girl and so do this thing you don’t want to.

The phrase a good girl is one that’s used to place limits on little girls. To tell them not to be loud or express their emotions. It’s one that’s used to place them in a particular role. To tell them they should be caring and serving of others, especially males.

For me the phrase a good girl is used, or at least it has been in my life, to reinforce the patriotic societal norms that are imbedded in our cultures and it’s one I hate.

So to all my fellow women who were once told to be a good girl – I say fuck it! Be a bad girl! Be a loud girl! Be an emotional and expressive girl! Be a girl who doesn’t let others rules define their behaviour (within legal limits)! Be a selfish girl who keeps what she earns and decides when she wants to share it and who she wants to share it selectively! Be a girl who puts her needs first! Be a girl who doesn’t serve anyone! Be a girl who’s a disaster at cleaning and cooking! Be whatever kind of girl you want to be, and not the kind of good girl they’re trying to make you be!